Divorce = Stress, starting with the very first thought of
it. And one of the most stressful aspects is the divorce procedure itself. As a
personal life coach and Divorce Coach, I work with people going through divorce lawyer in Ontario and I have
always wondered if there could be a way for the divorce process to be more
civil, calm and respectful. And now there is. It's a relatively new model for
divorce that not only reduces the amount and degree of conflict, but it also
provides greater benefits to the divorcing couple, their children, and any
others involved, such as extended family.
This model is Integrative Divorce Mediation. And
it is cost effective because conflicts are handled more effectively when they
occur.
What sets Integrative Divorce Mediation apart from other
avenues of divorce? First, here are the most used options available to a
divorcing couple.
1. Do it yourself method. This is a viable
approach for a simple divorce, such as when there are no children involved, not
a lot of assets, and no need for spousal support. It could also work for those
who are divorcing very amicably.
2. Litigious processes. This is when each
spouse has their own attorney who support them individually to work out an
agreement It is adversarial by nature and often expensive and drawn out because
of this.
3. Attorney mediation. Attorneys that are
trained mediators can help a couple come to resolution and avoid having to go
to court. This process is best for those couples that are not having
emotionally difficult conflicts or parenting conflicts.
4. Collaborative process. This is a process
where a team of professionals supports the couple in reaching resolution in a
cooperative and respectful way. In this method, each spouse does have their own
attorney (who is collaboratively trained), as well as their own collaborative
divorce coach. Often a child specialist and financial specialist (both neutral)
are also part of the team. The team works together collaboratively, rather than
as opponents to find solutions. This method is best for couples with complex
situations and the financial resources to pay for the extra professionals.
Perhaps you notice that there is a gap in these options?
Integrative Divorce Mediation was developed to fill that gap, and it has the
potential to become the most preferred and most common divorce process.
There has been too much damage from the process of divorce.
It's painful enough to end a relationship, but often the divorce process itself
can be the most painful and difficult part of the divorce. It has a tendency to
trigger everyone's fear - fear of the future, fears about money, fears about
being lovable, fear for the well-being of the children, and on and on. No one
who is fearful and stressed out ever shows up at the divorce negotiation with the
strength they need to make good decisions and negotiate fairly. The
Collaborative process described above is designed to help with this. Each
spouse has a coach to help them process emotions and communicate effectively.
However, not everyone can afford the collaborative practice and it can be
completely overwhelming to enter into negotiations with so many professionals.
The Integrative Divorce Mediation approach is much less
overwhelming and designed to take the fear out of divorce. There is one
attorney and one Divorce Coach, both of whom operate as neutral mediators. No
one is representing any one person or taking sides. Instead, the couple
benefits from coaching as needed, and legal advice as needed, with mediators
who specialize in helping couples have less fear about outcome, and come to
resolutions in a supportive and efficient way. With Integrative Divorce
Mediation, the divorce process itself is not damaging, and the couple's future
encounters will likely be much more respectful. Further, there is improvement
in the chance for outcomes to be best for all involved.
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